


Unrequited

by CatWinchester



Category: British Actor RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Drama, F/M, One Night Stands, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-15
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-01 16:00:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2779154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatWinchester/pseuds/CatWinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex has been in love with Tom Hiddleston since she was a teenager the only problem is, he’s her brother’s best friend and treats her like a sister. </p><p>Tom has been in love with Alex for a while but keeps his feelings tightly controlled, unwilling to lose his oldest friend. </p><p>Hormones don’t tend to listen to logic though and after a disastrous, drunken one night stand six months ago, Alex and Tom have to spend Christmas together. </p><p>Far more happened that night that Tom realises but will the truth bring them together, or divide them forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "Unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded." Elle Newmark

**Chapter One**

Alex Pryce was the kind of woman you wouldn’t look twice at. Her looks were ordinary, her disposition was quiet and her intelligence average.

She was okay with that. It had taken her some time, but finally she had accepted who she was. Even if sometimes she might always wish to be just a little bit… well, more, there was no point fighting the truth.

Her dreams were also small. Manageable, she called it. She already had a job she loved, and she hoped to be able to continue with that, or something very similar, until she retired or died, which ever came first. She hoped to always earn enough to be comfortable. Big houses, flash cars and private jets were very nice, she acknowledged, but she didn’t need those things to be happy, and she wasn’t one of those women who was into designer clothes or thousand pound handbags and shoes. What was the point? You couldn’t make a silk purse from a sow’s ear, after all. Her brother used to say that her attempts at ‘tarting herself up’ was ‘like putting lipstick on a pig’, so she never tried too hard to be or look like something she wasn’t.

Finally, and this was her biggest dream, she hoped to find a man who, if not blind to her faults, could at least love her despite them. It was asking a lot, she knew, but it wasn’t like she was holding out for a prince or a hunk. Just a nice, steady sort of guy would do.

Unfortunately, all the while she was in love with her brothers best friend, her chances of falling in love with a man like that were slim to none. As much as she tried not to, every man she met was measured against Tom and without fail, they were found wanting.

Of course, Tom was so far out of her league that it wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t seem to exorcise him from her heart and until she did, she feared that she simply didn’t have enough room to love anyone else.

After what happened in July, for a brief moment she had thought that perhaps he _might_ be the one, that _maybe_ he felt something for her to.

When it became clear that he didn’t, she hoped that the crushing pain she felt might also cool her ardour but as he smiled that carefree, easy going smile of his, she knew that she was still as in love with him as ever.

The bright smile she pasted on her face actually hurt but she managed to keep it in place as he kissed her cheek.

“You look lovely, as ever, Alex.”

See? He always found a way to compliment her and even if it was a lie, it was very sweet of him to try. Disliking him was going to be impossible.

“You too,” she managed to say, her voice only slightly choked.

Tom moved onto her brother, Sean, and hugged him.

“Good to have you back, man,” Sean said.

“I can't tell you how nice it is to be back,” Tom replied. “And thank you both for taking me in this Christmas.”

“Well, we couldn’t let you eat Christmas dinner all alone, could we?” Sean grinned. “Come on, I’ll show you to your room.”

Alex closed the door behind them, allowing her artificial smile to fade away. Her cheeks ached and she didn’t know how she was going to endure almost two weeks with him around.

She made her way to the kitchen and turned the kettle on, more for something to do than because she wanted a drink.

Being in his presence was both wonderful and agony at the same time, and she didn’t understand it. Surely one emotion, the dominant one, should cancel the other out, right? Life would be so much easier if she could just hate him, but it seemed she was as useless at that as she was at everything else in her life.

She pottered around in the kitchen, spooning tea leaves into the pot, getting mugs and sugar out, then decanting a little milk into a small jug but all too soon, she heard his voice again.

“So where are your folks?” Tom asked.

She poured the water into the tea pot and stirred it with a spoon.

“Oh, they’re in London,” Sean answered. “Mum loves the shopping down there just before Christmas. They’ll be back on the 23rd.”

They both came into the kitchen just as she was placing everything onto a tray.

“That sounds like my idea of hell, don’t you think, Alex?” Tom asked her, his smile warm, just like it always was.

“Yeah,” she agreed on auto pilot, but he was right, she hated crowds.

“Oh, Alex, you don’t serve tea in mugs!” Sean complained.

“It’s not the Dorchester, Sean, and if I want to serve tea in mugs, I damn well will. You can make it next time, then you can choose the cups.” Her cheeks burned with heat as she turned away and got some biscuits out and placing some on a plate. Then she wondered if Tom would think she was playing up to him, getting biscuits out. They often had biscuits with tea but now that Tom was here, she found herself scrutinising her behaviour, wondering how he would interpret it.

“I personally prefer mugs,” Tom said, coming to her rescue as usual. She didn’t bloody well need rescuing, especially not by him.

She picked the tray up but as soon as she turned around, Tom was there.

“Let me take that for you,” Tom said, taking the tray from her hands.

To refuse would be churlish but she wished he would just ignore her. Why couldn’t he? Why did he have to behave like nothing had happened?

She supposed that to him, what they had done probably was run of the mill but it had shaken her to the core.

She followed behind them into the living room and took the seat furthest away from Tom.

She watched as he poured, making hers just as she liked it, smiling as he placed her mug on her side of the table.

“Thanks,” she muttered, picking it up and wrapping her hands around it for warmth.

“So, what have you two been up to while I’ve been away?” Tom asked.

“I have to say, travelling with a play is a new experience,” Sean answered. “Not one I’m sure I’d want to repeat often but I’m enjoying it. We’re off again in the New Year, to Germany and France, then it’s over, finally.”

Sean is a theatre director but to listen to him, you’d think he was in charge of a small country, not a bunch of actors and crew.

“I know what you mean,” Tom smiled. “Living out of a suitcase isn’t exactly fun.”

“You still do it all the time,” Sean countered. “I mean what, this year you’ve been to Canada, Ireland and America.”

Tom nodded. “But at least I get to stay in each place a while. I have to confess though, I’m looking forward to a few weeks doing nothing.”

“Me too, mate,” Sean grinned, holding his mug aloft. “Here’s to doing nothing.”

“What about you?” Tom asked, looking to Alex.

“Um-”

“She’s still tinkering with dresses,” Sean answered for her, as if she was a child working a menial Saturday job for a bit of pocket money.

“Is it going well?” Tom asked.

“Yeah, very well, thanks.” The words tasted like sawdust in her mouth.

“Did you get the funds together to open a shop?”

She shook her head. “The rents are too high in London and the banks won’t take a risk on me.”

“Can you blame them?” Sean laughed.

“Don’t be mean, Sean,” Tom defended her.

 _‘Bastard,’_ she thought, aiming the pejorative at both of them.

“Come on, dressmaking is hardly a profession, is it?” Sean defended himself.

“She makes wonderful gowns,” Tom argued back.

Suddenly it was all too much for Alex and she got to her feet.

“Where are you off too?” Sean demanded.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise I had to ask your permission before going to the loo,” she snapped back.

Sean looked suitably contrite for a moment, then shrugged as she walked from the room.

He was only four years older but as children, that was a huge age gap. It didn’t help that their parents often left Sean in charge of her for the school holidays, which meant that she had to trail around after him almost wherever he went, so in order to seem cool to his friends, he spent the time picking on her. It was a habit he found hard to break now that they were adults, but even more so when he was around another bloke he wanted to impress.

Alex put the cover down on the loo and sat down, wondering how she was going to endure their company for the next two weeks. Things would get better once their parents got back but she was seriously wondering if she should have stayed in London and made some kind of excuse as to why she couldn’t come to Christmas this year.

The trouble was, she had already agreed dates and times when Sean discovered that Tom would be alone this Christmas, and invited him to join them. She couldn’t back out without making it look like she was intentionally avoiding Tom, and she really couldn’t risk anyone asking why.

She needed to get out for a bit so after flushing the loo to keep her cover intact, she went into the  kitchen and poured the rest of the milk down the sink. She pulled her coat on and was wrapping the scarf around her neck as she popped her head back into the living room.

“Just popping out for some milk, I won’t be long.”

“You only went shopping this morning!” Sean argued.

“I forgot.”

“You’d forget your head if it wasn’t screwed on!” he called after her.

God, she hated him sometimes.

She stepped out into the cold December afternoon and took a few deep breaths, enjoying the feeling as the icy wind took some of the heat out of her cheeks.

“Maybe I should go with her,” she heard Tom say as she closed the door behind her. She ran down the front path as quickly as she could in the hopes that if Sean didn’t talk him out of it, he wouldn’t be able to tell which way she went.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

“Is Alex alright?” Tom asked Sean. The woman he had seen today was trying hard to appear normal but she was failing badly. Sean seemed blissfully ignorant of any change in her behaviour though.

“Yeah, she’s fine, just being a girl, you know?”

“I grew up with two sisters, remember?” Tom said, arching an eyebrow. “I wasn’t aware there was any mystical ‘girl’ behaviour.”

“It’s just Alex being weird. She’s always been weird.”

Tom wasn’t so sure. Still, while they hadn’t parted on the best of terms, he doubted her reaction to him was the problem. He hadn’t behaved very well, he admitted but unlike Sean, he could see her for the woman she was, which was strong and capable, despite her sometimes crippling self-doubt. This was about more than just being upset with him, although she was also, undoubtedly, very upset with him.

“You should go a little easy on her, you know.”

Sean looked at him as though he had just spoken Swahili. “It’s Alex, that’s how we’ve always been.”

Tom didn’t like to meddle in their relationship but he did wish Sean would let up on the insults and quips. This wasn’t the first time he had said something but Sean never took the hint.

They had met at Eton, both being in the theatre group, although Sean always preferred to be behind the scenes. They had quickly become firm friends, bonding over their parental issues; Sean’s issue wasn’t divorce, it was disinterested, some might say negligent, parents. Sean genuinely was a good guy, it was only when he was around his sister that he became a bit of a dick.

Tom hadn’t met Alex until he had gone to stay with Sean for a few weeks during the summer holiday, Sean had just turned 19 and was off to Oxford in September. Tom was 17 still had a year of A’levels to go, and Alex had been 14. He remembered her being clumsy due to having grown three inches in less than a year, she always smiled with her lips closed, trying to hide her braces, and she wore far too much foundation, trying to hide an outbreak of spots on her forehead. All three things had combined to make her an awkward teenager, which was only exacerbated by Sean's jibes. 

At first Tom had thought the gentle teasing was just their way, his own family didn’t take themselves too seriously, but Sean got even worse when their parents made him take Alex with them when they went out. Around his local friends, Sean did nothing but tease and belittle his sister.

Tom didn’t mind her company, he often spent time with his younger sister, so he took it upon himself to befriend her, or be as friendly as he could be without making her a bigger target for Sean and his friends but the more he got to know her, the more he realised that Alex took the little digs to heart.  

He also saw how their parents frequently put both children down, treating them as an annoyance, so Tom was unable to dislike Sean for how he acted because he realised it was a learned behaviour on Sean’s part.

In fact the only Pryce who was unfailingly nice, was Alex, she hardly ever had a bad word to say about anyone.

After University, Sean moved to London to try and become part of the theatre scene and Tom joined him a year later to attend RADA. He often staying over with sean after a night out because his flat was not only nicer than Tom's, it was more central. 

Alex was usually sent down to live with her brother while she attended the University of the Arts, studying fashion.

Tom well remembered seeing her for the first time in four years. She had just turned 18 and for a moment, he didnt recognise her. The braces and spots were gone, while she had grown easily another four inches since he last saw her and had become accustomed to her new height, no longer tripping over herself, or hunching her shoulders to appear smaller. Her figure had filled out too, giving her sinfully attractive curves and when she flashed him a wide, toothy grin, he was rendered dumb for a moment. She was literally stunning. 

It wasn't the kind of _femme fatale_ , sex kitten look that Sean preferred, it was more of a wholesome, girl-next-door beauty.

Treating her normally had tested his acting skills to the limit but luckily, neither Alex nor Sean seemed to have ever noticed that he was crushing on his best friend's little sister.

Alex had often assured him that when Tom wasn’t around, Sean was actually quite nice to her, but Tom wasn’t sure if he believed it and now that Sean was no longer a child, it wasn’t quite as easy to forgive his unkind behaviour.

He supposed that they were friendly though, because even when Alex had found her own place after university (something her parents had been dead set against but that Tom was proud of her for doing) she still often accompanied Sean and Tom on their nights out, she was there for the opening night of all Sean’s plays and she frequently attended Tom’s performances too.

If he was honest, Tom had been in love with her ever since came to London she moved in with Sean; she had grown up and matured into a beautiful young woman in both looks and personality, but he knew that Sean would hate them to become a couple and as one of his oldest friends, and one who had been there for him at a particularly difficult time in his life, Tom was reluctant to start something with Alex. He also worried that dating her would make her more of a target for Sean’s barbs.

Tom had stayed firm on that until the opening night of Much Ado, the play Sean was currently directing and travelling with. The performance had been a roaring success and after party had lots of alcohol flowing. Tom was in between jobs and the mood to let his hair down, so to speak, and had got plastered. Sean had disappeared somewhere and he ended up going home with Alex.

Considering how much he’d had to drink, Tom’s memories of that night were startlingly clear. It was the best sex he had ever had and they’d made love three times before finally succumbing to sleep.

The next morning, the guilt set in. Not only had be betrayed his best friend, he had started something with Alex that he wasn’t sure he could finish, he was off to Ireland in a few days, then to America, so he’d be away for the best part of six months. It was foolish of him to have started anything with anyone.

So hungover and weighed down with self-loathing, he had quietly left her flat, desperately hoping that by some miracle, Alex had drunk so much that she wouldn’t remember their tryst.

Tom hadn’t done much that he was ashamed of in his life, but walking out on her without a word was one of them. Not replying to her text later that day was another. Brushing her off a few months later, when she had tried to contact him in America, him was a third.

She had never mentioned the sex, her text the next day only said that’s she had a nice time the night before and she hoped that he didn’t have too bad a headache. No recriminations for leaving, no swearing at him, no overly clingy girlfriend antics.

Part of him hoped that was a sign that she didn’t remember having slept with him but having seen how cagey she was around him now, he knew now he’d been lying to himself.

She remembered and clearly, she couldn’t stand him.

He shouldn’t have come here but with his mother in India, visiting his older sister and his younger sister spending Christmas with her boyfriend, he hadn’t wanted to stay in London all alone.

The truth was that he’d had other offers from friends but he had turned them down, because part of him desperately wanted to see Alex again, just to experience that warm feeling that being with her always gave him. He told himself that he was only hurting himself in coming here, because Alex didn’t love him.

He still didn’t know that she loved him (and if she ever had, it was unlikely that she still did) but it was clear that he had hurt her, and his being here was a painful reminder of that.

He should make up some excuse and go back to London, leave Alex alone but he didn’t want to. Being around her, even if she hated him and they could never be together, was better than not being around her.

“I got you tickets to Wicked at the Playhouse tomorrow night,” Sean said, interrupting his reverie. “I’ve got to be at the Festival Theatre for the performance, obviously, but Alex will go with you, and I can meet you both for a drink afterwards.”

“I hope you got me tickets for your play too,” Tom teased.

“Not exactly, they sold out pretty quick up here and I didn’t know you were coming up until a couple of weeks ago, but there’s always some no shows, so I’m sure we can squeeze you in one night.”

“Sounds like a plan.”Tom smiled. 

So tomorrow night he’d be escorting Alex to the theatre. It was the perfect opportunity to apologise for his behaviour and try to make it up to her.

* * *

“I don’t want to go and see Wicked!” Alex insisted for the third time. “I’ve seen it half a dozen times in London already.”

“Then one more won’t hurt, will it?” Sean argued.

“I have sketches to finish!”

After an awkward evening last night, making small talk over dinner and listening to Tom fawn over her simple lasagne, then sitting in unbearable silence, trying not to look at him while they watched some stupid action movie with a tissue paper thin plot, the last thing she wanted to do today was go to the theatre with Tom.

“Oh please,” Sean shot back. “You sew dresses, you’re not exactly Donna Karan!”

“I know you don’t respect what I do for a living but its what keeps a roof over my head. A roof _I_ pay for, unlike you, still living off the bank of Mum and Dad.”

“So what? You’re pissed because I live rent free? You chose to move out!”

“No, I’m pissed because you job barely pays your bills and yet it’s a real job but mine, that keeps me without any help, is not. You’re such a fucking egotistical prat, Sean!”

Sean actually seemed taken aback and why wouldn’t he, he had always been able to bully her into doing what he wanted in the past, but he had underestimated how much she didn’t want to do this. Sean was scoring points but she felt as if she was fighting for her life, or at least her sanity.”

“Look, Tom is our guest here and you know Mum and Dad will be disappointed if you don’t accompany him.”

“Tom’s a big boy, Sean, he’ll be just fine and if Mum and Dad have an issue with it, what are they going to do? They don’t own _my_ flat; you might still be under their thumb but I’m not!”

Sean ran a frustrated hand through his hair and glared at her. “What the hell’s got into you?”

“Nothing, I’m just sick and tired of being your whipping boy.”

“You’re not my whipping boy!” He took a deep breath and tried to calm down. “Look, please take him, for me?”

“Why is this so important to you? I thought you didn’t like me and Tom hanging out together, you were always warning me off him when I first got to London.”

“That’s when we were kids and I thought he had his eye on you.”

“You what?” She turned to face him, stunned. Tom had liked her when they were younger?

“I know what he’s like, Alex, he’s sweet and charming and funny and all the girls love him, but he’s a serial monogamist and I wasn’t going to let you become another broken hearted ex.”

She shook her head, marvelling at how Sean could be so hurtful in one breath, and so protective in the next.

“So what, you’re saying Tom doesn’t like me anymore?” She couldn’t help but ask, although she hated herself for it.

“Well he’s got his pick now, doesn’t he, he can have almost any woman he chooses, the world’s most beautiful women.”

She recoiled as if he’d slapped her. “Wow, you butter me up by basically calling me ugly. I think that’s a new low, even for you.”

She walked out of the kitchen with her head held high, and didn’t let her tears come until her bedroom door was firmly closed behind her.

Sean was right, of course, Tom did have his pick of the most beautiful women in the world. She had just been convenient and thanks to beer goggles, he had slummed it for a night. No wonder he couldn’t get out of her flat fast enough. He probably woke up expecting a to see a beautiful babe asleep beside him, instead he got Alex, a tomboyish, bargain basement lay.

She’d been such a fool.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

When she’d calmed down Alex took a shower, then covered the remaining traces of her red eyes with a little concealer and makeup. She knew Tom would be back from his run when she came back downstairs, and she schooled her features into a neutral, if not quite pleasant, expression.

They were both still in the kitchen.

“Morning,” Tom smiled at her and held a cardboard costa coffee cup up. “I got you a latte with chocolate syrup.”

She would have preferred an Irish coffee, but regular would have to do.

“Thanks.” She accepted the beverage with as nice a smile as she could manage.

“I told Tom about you agreeing to go to Wicked with him and as a special treat, I made you two pre-theatre reservations.” Sean said with a smug smile.

“Thank you for agreeing to accompany me,” Tom added earnestly.

Alex glared at Sean, who smiled impishly back at her, knowing that he’d won. She could still refuse but that would not only be incredibly rude, it would show Sean up as a liar _and_ prove to Tom that she still held a grudge. Her pride wouldn’t let him see how wounded she felt, so her pride was just going to have to suck it up and accompany Tom.

“It’s no problem,” she assured him. “I have some work to do and since I’m out tonight, I’d better make a start.” She turned and left.

***

“She didn’t exactly seem enthusiastic,” Tom noted when he was sure she was out of ear shot.

“Women’s problems,” Sean nodded sagely. “It’s her time of the month.”

Tom doubted her mood was hormonal.

“Are you sure she’s okay?” he asked again.

Sean cocked his head to the side. “I think maybe she has been a little different lately, more argumentative, less sociable. It’s been going on for a while, actually.”

“How long?”

“Couple of months, I guess. Maybe two.”

Tom slept with her in July and it was now December so if it had only been two months (which meant that the incident that upset her happened sometime in October) he wasn’t to blame. He wasn’t in the county then, so maybe she wasn’t mad at him. Well, not as mad as she seemed, at least. It gave him hope that he could mend his bridges with her.

“You’ve no idea what caused it?” Tom asked, then he remembered her phone call and texts to him, hasn’t that been in October? She had sounded a little fearful on the phone, perhaps even a little tearful, which was one reason he was so keen to end the call. He did also have a vocal coach waiting for him but honestly, he’d been glad of the excuse at the time.

Now he wondered if he shouldn’t have called her back, as he’d promised he would.

Sean shrugged. “She’s always been a little flaky, probably just guy trouble or something.”

“Has she been seeing anyone?” Tom found that he didn’t like that idea.

“Not that I know of but then, I’m not her keeper.”

“You seem remarkably disinterested,” Tom noted, keeping his tone cool and calm.

“If she wanted me to know, she’d tell me. Maybe she’s just stressed out, she has been working hard lately.”

“So her business is good then?”

Again, Sean shrugged. “I don’t know, but word seems to be getting around, and she is a great seamstress.”

“Aren’t you the one who’s always saying, ‘she’s only a seamstress’?”

“God, not you too!” Sean rolled his eyes. “You sound like her.”

“I’m not surprised, you’ve never given her the credit she deserves.”

“Look, it’s just how we are but it doesn’t mean anything. Alex knows that if anyone else said anything against her, I’d have her back.”

Common sense told Tom that the insults of a friend or stranger could be far more easily brushed off than those of family. He didn’t say anything more though, unwilling to cause conflict.

***

“You look lovely this evening,” Tom complimented Alex. They were seated in the Italian restaurant Sean had booked for them.

“Thank you.” She didn’t raise her eyes from the menu.

The waiter returned with their drinks and took their orders, then collected the menus, which Alex had been using as a barrier.

“Did you make that dress?” he asked, desperate to ease the tension between them. It didn’t help that her dress looked as if it was made from the softest red velvet, which made him want to reach and stroke her- IT! He meant, stroke _it_.

“It’s an old one,” she said, not glancing up.

Silence fell over them and Tom perused the wine list, although he wasn’t taking in anything he read.

“Look,” he began hesitantly. “Now we’re alone for a moment, I want to apologise for how I treated you back in July. I’m sorry.”

“It happens.” She shrugged, keeping her features neutral.

“You’re angry with me, and I can't say that I blame you, but I am sorry. I hope you’ll let me make it up to you.”

Alex had a sudden realisation at his words. She was furious but not with Tom. She was upset with herself, for allowing herself to believe that he might have feelings for her, for being weak, for not reading the instructions properly. She should have realised that Tom wouldn’t look twice at her romantically, and it was her own fault that she had been so hurt. 

That might also explain why she still loved him because truthfully, her hate had never been directed at him.

This epiphany didn’t mean that she would forgive and forget however. Once bitten, twice shy.

“I’m not angry.” She kept her eyes on the table, afraid to meet his gaze.

“You’ve hardly said two sentences to me since we came out,” Tom argued. “You seem angry.”

“Yes, but not with you.” She sipped her wine as she considered what to say. “What we did didn’t happen in a vacuum, I am at least partially to blame, mostly, probably, you’d had a lot more to drink than I had. I should have known better.”

“You’re hurt then.”

“Yes, it hurt but I’m a big girl, Tom, I survived.”

“Do you think you can ever forgive me?”

“It’s not my job to salve your conscience,” she answered, wishing he would just drop the subject.

“But I’d like us to be friends again.”

She looked up at him, her confusion evident. “Why?”

“Because you’re one of the best people I know, Alex, and I don’t want to lose you.”

“You never had me to lose me,” she answered. “We’ve never been friends, Tom, I’ve always just been your best friend’s annoying younger sister, and I still am.”

“That’s not true-”

“Isn’t it?” she demanded? “When have you and I ever done something without Sean being there? When have we ever called each other to chat about our days or catch up?”

“I wouldn’t have your number if I never called you.”

“True, but you always call to talk about Sean. We talk about the plans for his birthday, or you ask me what you should buy him for a gift, or you call me when you can't get hold of him.”

“Our conversations go beyond that though.”

“Polite chit chat,” she answered, flinching at the wounded look on his face. She sighed and leaned forward. “The truth is, we hardly know each other.”

“That’s not true.” He sounded angry now, or as angry as Tom ever got. “I know that you hate spiders-”

“Because Sean used to throw them at me, which you witnessed.”

He ignored her interruption. “I know your favourite colour is burgundy red. Your favourite flower is Lilies, your daily perfume is Coco Chanel but you wear Hypnotic Poison on special occasions. Your favourite food is Spaghetti Bolognese, but you tell people its salmon. Your favourite desert is vanilla cheesecake and when you’re upset, you always eat Belgian chocolate Hagen Daz. Your favourite movie is Parenthood because it’s real but still funny, and although you hated the English Patient, you claim to love it.”

His voice was growing warmer as he spoke and he began to smile.

“You used to dot your i’s with a heart and you continue to do it in Sean’s cards because it pisses him off. Your favourite band is Muse, followed by Queen, followed by the Eagles, but you have a soft spot for Neil Diamond and Barry Manilow. You’d love to have a dog, a black or chocolate Labrador, but you don’t think you should get one all the time you work from home. You have terribly low self-esteem but an inner core of steel that makes you determined to prove your doubters wrong, however your business is more far successful than you let on to your family, successful enough that you could probably afford to rent premises now, without a bank loan. You play your business down though, because you’re afraid it won’t be enough to impress then, and it’s easier to just let them think you’re still struggling to make ends meet.

“You love taking long baths while listening to music, you secretly read trashy romance novels and you love the Archers. You take kick boxing lessons but haven’t told your parents because they’ll say it’s unladylike and try to talk you out of it, and you hate any kind of confrontation.”

How the hell did he know so much? After the way he had treated her, he had no right to know her this well. Hell, her last boyfriend, whom she had dated for almost two years, hadn’t known her that well. She suddenly felt like crying and she didn’t know why.

“Excuse me.” She got up and made her way to the bathroom, locking herself in a stall while she dabbed at her eyes, before her makeup could run.

It wasn’t fair! The man was almost perfect and he knew her so well. Why couldn’t he love her? In fact, he was so sweet, she was fairly sure she could live with him even if he didn’t love her in return, but of course, there was nothing in such an arrangement for Tom, so it would never happen.

She just had to harden her heart to him, somehow, because she wasn’t sure she could survive having her heart broken by him again.

When she felt that the danger of crying had passed, she refreshed her makeup in the mirrors over the sink, then headed back to the table. Their food had arrived by now but like a gentleman, Tom was waiting for her before starting.

“Are you all right?” he asked, although she was sure that outwardly, there were no signs that she had been upset.

“I’m fine.”

Tom sighed. “Please, Alex, talk to me.”

“I can't.” She kept her gaze on her food but since she had zero appetite, she only moved it around her plate.

“Why not? You used to talk to me.”

“I used to think you were a decent guy. Things change.” She finished off her glass of wine in two gulps, wishing she’d ordered neat vodka instead.

“Is there nothing I can do to make things right between us?”

Alex didn’t know how much longer she could put up with this before she cracked, so there was only one thing to do.

“I’m not feeling very well all of a sudden so I’m going to take a cab back home. Enjoy the show.”

She got up and headed for the exit. Knowing that Tom would have to pause and pay the bill, which she hoped was enough time to hail a cab. She raised an arm at two, but they had their lights off and weren’t available for hire, but thinking coherently wasn’t exactly her strong suit at the moment.

She felt a hand on her arm and viciously ripped it out of Tom’s grasp. He must have just left cash on the table rather than waiting for the bill.

“Why can't you leave me alone!” she yelled.

“For God’s sake, Alex, talk to me!”

“I tried!” she felt dangerously to breaking down. “You were the one dodging me and not returning phone calls, remember? So now it suits you to talk and you expect me to just open up to the man who ripped my heart out and stamped on it for good measure? Well fuck you, Tom. You have no idea of the consequences of that night, so just fuck off and leave me alone. You’re good at that!”

She turned and stormed away but she knew he’d seen her tears. She just prayed he wouldn’t follow her and she refused to look back. He just wasn’t getting the message though and a few moments later, he had caught up with her and was walking alongside.

“What do you mean, I have no idea of the consequences?” he asked softly.

Her tears were still falling freely and they showed no signs of stopping. Although her vision was blurry, she held her arm up again in the hopes that a passing cab would see her and stop.

“Alex, answer me.”

He could be like a dog with a bone sometimes and although it hurt, maybe it was better to just rip the band aid off.

She probably looked rather like a panda by now but she didn’t much care if her makeup had run. She wasn’t the one who had done anything wrong here and she met his gaze, unflinchingly.

“There was a baby, Tom.”

He stepped back as if she had struck him. “What? I… Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Remember all those messages and texts in October? And how when I finally got hold of you, you blew me off, promising to call back? That’s what I was calling to tell you.”

“But… you said ‘was’.”

Alex looked away. It wasn’t fair that she still cared how he felt but the hurt in his eyes only made this even harder for her.

“There _was_ a baby. There isn’t any more.”

My some miracle, a cab pulled over and she rushed to it, opening the door and practically throwing herself in. She gave her address and as the cab pulled away, and she breathed a sigh of relief as she searched through her handbag for a tissue.

At least now she only had to deal with her own pain, not his too.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Tom stood where she had left him for a good five minutes, totally unable to move. It was like the tornado of thoughts and emotions was preventing his brain from dealing with anything else. Finally someone knocked into him as they passed and he began walking, his thoughts finally slowing enough to be processed.

A baby!

At another time, a planned time, he would welcome having children with Alex but this wasn’t planned, this was…

He didn’t understand it. How? Why? What had happened to it?

Of course, they were all easily answered. Sex, because she lied about being on the pill, and she aborted it. She aborted his child.

He didn’t know how he felt about that. He wanted kids but not now, not yet, but he deserved a say in this, didn’t he? She had no right to just get rid of it without consulting him. It wasn’t ideal but they could have made it work.

Of course, she had tried to tell him and he has snubbed her. After the first call he stopped answering, and she left messages or sent texts. He deleted the messages and only replied to one text, saying that he was swamped and would call her when he could.

He remembered that he had sighed that text with kisses, hoping to soften the blow.

There was he, worrying about how Sean would react if he found out (and hoping to avoid the shame of having walked out on her) while she was dealing with a new life. It must have been so scary for her.

Had she told Sean? Surely he would have said something to Tom if she had, they didn’t have secrets. Of course, Alex might have left his name out of it and told Sean that didn’t know the father or something.

But still, she should have tried harder to contact him.

Before he knew it, he had walked back and was standing outside the front door. On autopilot and suspecting that Alex wouldn’t let him in if he rang the bell, he retrieved the spare key and opened the door.

She had no right to be angry at him when she hadn’t even told him. She could have written or emailed him. Hell, she could even have told him by text, but she didn’t.

He made his way up to her bedroom and knocked.

“Go away.”

“You can't make me go away as easily as the baby,” he said, which was rather spiteful of him but hurt was the dominant emotion right now, and he wanted to hurt her as much as she had hurt him.

Suddenly the door burst open and she stood before him with a face like thunder.

“What did you say?” she asked, deceptively calmly.

Had he been thinking clearly, he might have recognised the warning signs, but he was still reeling from her earlier revelations.

“You heard me. You should have told me before you killed our baby, you should have found a way. I deserved to know what was happening.”

Her eyes suddenly stopped leaking tears and she stepped forward.

“First of all, whether to abort is and was my decision. My body, my choice. Always! Do you understand?”

Her voice was still low and she reminded him of a snake, coiled and ready to pounce.

“I could have helped, there were other ways.”

“I tried to tell you. You were avoiding me so your lack of input into this situation is your own fault. In case you have forgotten, my family isn’t like yours, they wouldn’t have rallied around me, helped me raise him and supported me, like yours, they would have torn me to shreds and left me to get on with it on my own.”

“You could hired a nanny.”

“Do you have any idea what that costs? I do, I looked into it, and it’s a small fortune. Now you, with all your money, could have afforded a small army to care for a baby, unfortunately we can't all be millionaires and I didn’t know if you would even be interested in helping. You certainly didn’t show any interest in me, so why would I assume you wanted my baby?”

His instincts were telling him to back off, that there was more to this than he realised but his brain wouldn’t listen.

“ _Our_ baby,” he insisted.

“Didn’t you ever wonder why I suddenly stopped trying to reach you? Or did you just breathe a big sigh of relief, thankful that I’d got the message that you weren’t interested? I stopped calling because suddenly, there was no reason to call you. I began bleeding one Thursday afternoon and I miscarried soon afterwards. I lay there in that hospital bed, utterly overwhelmed with grief and unable to tell a single soul, on case my parents or Sean found out. I knew they wouldn’t offer comfort, only scorn. I wanted to hate you for putting me in that position and then just disappearing. I tried so hard to hate you but… all I really wanted was for you to turn up, to hold me, and to tell me everything was going to be all right.”

Tom was stunned and yes, shamed into silence.

“I hate myself for loving you,” Alex continued, confirming his fantasy that she could love him, while simultaneously tearing that dream to shreds. “I hate myself for not being able to stop, and I really hate that the good, kind, brave man I thought fell in love with, feels nothing but scorn me. I’m not surprised, you are Sean’s best friend after all, but I thought you were better than him, a decent sort, certainly not the type to use women and then throw them away. Most of all, I hate that even knowing you are that kind of man, I still can't stop caring about you. Now please, if you ever felt any vaguely pleasant emotions for me, stay away from me. I survived this, somehow managing to bury the pain and carry on but… I know I don’t have the strength to do it again. I won’t ask you to leave because Sean would only blame me but for the sake of my sanity, stop trying to spend time with me, stop asking me questions, stop having anything to do with me above exchanging pleasantries in passing.”

She didn’t know what she was asking of him. He couldn’t say goodbye to her, not permanently.

“Please, Tom, after everything you’ve done, I think you owe me that much.”

She didn’t wait for his answer but stepped back and closed her door in his face.

Tom stepped away until his back hit the wall, then he slid down it, sitting on the floor, watching the light from under her door and listening while Alex sobbed, until she cried herself to sleep.

His own tears came, even although he wasn’t sure what he was crying for. The lost baby that he hadn’t even wanted? Alex’s pain? His choices? His mistakes? The unfounded accusations he had hurled at her? Compounding his previous poor judgement at every turn? The fact that even although he was resigned to never being with Alex, now any sliver of hope he might have been harbouring was dead?

Maybe it was all of it.

How the fuck was he going to fix this?

***

When Alex awoke the next morning, her mouth felt as dry as sandpaper, her head pounded and her eyes were swollen from crying.

She lay there for a long time, just staring at the ceiling, an old teddy from her childhood clutched in her arms. She didn’t cry again, she didn’t have any tears left to give at the moment.

She heard movement next door, meaning that Sean was about.

He’d be angry when he found out they hadn’t been to the show. She didn’t care. Right now she’d be quite happy to return to London and spend Christmas alone in her flat. At least down there, she had her work to occupy her.

Still, she had been rather hard on Tom last night; it wasn’t all his fault, she was at least 50% to blame but in reality, she felt as if this was 8o% her fault. She should have known better, on so many things.

She took her time in the shower, hoping she’d look at least vaguely human when she finally ventured downstairs.

“You okay?” Sean asked as she stepped into the kitchen. Tom wasn’t around, thankfully, and Alex wondered how much he’d told Sean.

“I’m fine,” she smiled at her brother.

“You sure?”

“Just a little trouble sleeping,” she assured him, wondering why he wasn’t having a go at her for ruining Tom’s night and wasting the theatre tickets.

“Look, I know we haven’t had much time to chat since I went on tour,” Sean said hesitantly, “but I’m still your brother and if you want to talk to me, I’m always here for you.”

She felt a stab of panic, wondering if Tom had told him everything. He was being too nice to her for this to be normal.

“What makes you think anything’s wrong?” She busied herself making coffee so he couldn’t see her face.

“You’ve been acting weird for a while now, moody and argumentative.”

She didn’t know how to respond to that since her overwhelming emotion, was relief that he still didn’t know anything.

“You know, if some bloke broke your heart, I’ll knock him into next week for you, if you want.”

She couldn’t help but smile. He was actually kind of sweet when he did his overprotective big brother routine.

“Thanks, but I’m okay.” She turned to face him hoping that he would believe her. “Honestly.”

“Okay, I won’t say any more.”

She turned away and got the milk from the fridge.

“So, what’s Tom up to this morning?” She asked.

“He’s out running.”

Alex looked to the kitchen clock, thinking how late it was for him.

“Yeah, he didn’t get up till nine. He said to apologise to you for crying off last night. Something about jetlag catching up with him.”

“I told him it was fine,” she lied. “Sorry your tickets were wasted.”

He shrugged. “Tell the truth, when you two didn’t show up for drinks, I thought you might finally be doing the nasty.”

She flinched at his turn of phrase. “You’re so crass.”

He grinned at her.

“Anyway, I thought you didn’t want me and Tom together?”

“When you were a kid but you’re all grown up now. I think you’d be good for Tom. I still don’t think he’s the man for you, he’s hardly ever in the country for a start, but you’re big enough and ugly enough to make your own mistakes now.”

“Well, I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about on that score.” She brought her drink to the table, unable to find any other reason to stall over by the counter.

“Good, because I’d hate to kick his arse when he hurts you.”

“Please,” Alex scoffed. “He’s got a good four inches on you and he works out.”

“Exactly,” he smirked. “I’d have to at least try to avenge your honour but we all know he’d kick my arse.”

If only he could be this same, easy going man all the time, Alex mused. He’d he almost perfect brother if he could.

“I’ve got to run soon, we’ve got a matinee performance today and there were a few minor problems with the lights last night. I need to make sure they’re sorted and it’s not worth coming back in between, so I probably won’t see you again until the morning.”

“Well, break an arm, or whatever.”

He shook his head. “And don’t worry about keeping Tom amused, he said something about having some scripts to read through.”

“Well that works out perfectly, because I have some sketches to do.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Alex was sketching in the conservatory since even on an overcast December afternoon, it had the best light, when Tom disturbed her by opening the door. He froze when he saw her, clearly surprised to see her.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were in here. I’ll go.”

“Wait!” she called as he turned to leave and he half turned back, onviously uncomfortable with being in her presence. She took a deep breath so she didn’t sound quite so hysterical. “Please.”

She gestured to the sofa opposite and he sat down, although he only perched on the edge, as if ready to bolt at any moment. Given that she had asked him to stay away from her, she could hardly blame him.

“I’m sorry I unloaded all that on you last night,” she said, guilt having eaten away at her, once her self-pity faded. “Not only was it unfair of me, I promised myself I wouldn’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“Well the decision to have the baby or not was taken out of my hands, so only one of us needed to be burdened with it.”

“It is my fault though, at least partly, and wholly for dodging your calls. I am sorry about that but when I woke up the next morning, all I could think about was Sean, and how hurt he’d be. He’s my oldest friend and I don’t think too clearly with a hangover at the best of times. Once I came to my senses and realised how badly I acted, I was too ashamed to face you. I’m sorry.”

Alex took a deep breath. “It’s okay, I understand.”

He looked at her and for a moment, his intense gaze seemed to freeze her and for the life of her, she couldn’t decipher his expression. Finally he looked away and she breathed easily again.

“I just want to ask, without any recrimination here, I only want to understand, but you told me you were on the pill.”

She nodded. “I was. Unfortunately I was popping pills that week for a bout of food poisoning and it wasn’t until I was two weeks late that I remembered, some antibiotics can affect the pill. My fault.”

“No, we should have used something more. Normally I always use a condom, regardless of what other birth control… well…”

“It’s okay, Tom, you don’t have to walk on egg shells around me. Seeing you brought it all rushing back but I suppose I need to accept that grief is a cyclical thing, not a steady improvement.

“Grief?” he asked. “Were you going to keep it?”

She shrugged. “I hadn’t decided to be honest. An abortion would have been easiest all around but despite the hassle I’d get from my family, I was tempted. Like you said, business is good enough that I could probably afford to rent premises now, if I wanted to. Of course, a baby could set those plans back but I’m happy enough working from home. I own my own flat and the mortgage is low thanks to the recession, I even have a small patch of garden, plus I have a spare bedroom that I could turn into nursery. I’d have to move my sewing stuff, but the living room is spacious so I could probably work in there. I don’t know if my clients would really be happy with a baby underfoot as we did fittings but I think I could afford a nanny, at least part time and… and I don’t know why I’m telling you all this, it’s all a bit of a moot point now.”

She had to blink a few times to get rid of her tears but she managed not to cry.

Before the miscarriage she’d tried not to indulge in fantasies of her and Tom playing happy families, she wasn’t foolish enough to think that a baby would change his feelings for her but at times, she hadn’t been able to stop herself. She had pretty much made up her mind to keep the baby, regardless of how Tom felt, but she wouldn’t insist he be a part of their lives, nor would she demand child support.

Tom’s expression was still inscrutable as he watched her, leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees.

“Do, um, do they know why you lost it… the baby, I mean.”

Alex shook her head. “No. And believe me, I asked. A lot. Unfortunately they say that they don’t know the reasons for most spontaneous miscarriages, especially early ones.”

She secretly worried that maybe stress had caused it but they assured her that stress wasn’t a factor. She wasn’t 100% sure she believed them.

“Anyway,” she shrugged, trying to sound light and breezy. She didn’t think she was particularly successful, judging from Tom’s expression. “That’s all I wanted to say, and I’ll try not to make things too weird between us. I mean, any weirder than they have to be. “And please, forget anything I said about loving you. I was overwrought and hysterical and talking out of my arse”

“I think the blame for any weirdness is my fault. I’m so sorry I behaved the way I did. It was unforgivable. I deserved every word you said to me last night, and more.”

“We all make bad decisions sometimes.” She tried to shrug it off.

“Can I ask when…?”

“When I lost her?”

“It was a she?”

“I don’t know. I used to think of her as a she but they can't tell for sure until around 20 weeks. I lost her on the 30th of October, 13 weeks.”

He nodded but looked shell shocked and Alex found herself sympathising with him. She’d had weeks to get used to being pregnant, and another six weeks to come to terms with the loss. Tom was processing all this knowledge in less than 24 hours.

She shouldn’t have told him but now that she had, she felt responsible.

“Would you like to see her?”

Tom looked up, his blue eyes shining with unshed tears. He nodded and she slipped from the room, returning a moment later with her handbag. She sat beside him on the sofa and pulled an envelope from her bag, from which she withdrew the ultrasound picture that she handed to him.

He stared at it in silence for few minutes.

“Can you make it out?” she asked, knowing that it wasn’t a great picture.

“That’s the head, right?” he pointed.

“Yeah,” she smiled, leaning closer so she could point out the other features that weren’t immediately obvious. “That right there is the umbilical cord-”

“I thought that was an arm.”

“Me too, until the nurse told me. That there is her left arm, the hand… down here is her right leg and that blob, is her other leg. She was about this big,” she said, estimating about five centimetres with her thumb and index finger.

Tom took a shuddering breath and she saw the tears begin to fall down his face. A second later, he wrapped his free arm around her shoulders and pulled her against him.

“Our baby,” he said softly, and she leaned into him as her own tears flowed, slipping her hand being his back, trying to comfort him.

Tom turned and wrapped her in his embrace, tucking her head under his chin as her arms went around his waist. They stayed like that for a while, Tom began stroking her back, pressing the occasional kiss on her hair and when this wave of grief eased off, they had relaxed into each other.

Alex knew from previous experience that this was dangerous, that having had a taste of his affection, it would hurt all the more when they separated, but she didn’t care. So what if it wasn’t real? Didn’t she deserve to indulge a fantasy for a little while, especially if it cheered her up?

“I’m so sorry, my darling. I should have been there for you.” He began stroking her hair.

“I’m sorry I told you. You didn’t need to feel this too.”

“No!” He pulled away and took her shoulders, his expression determined. “I wanted to know. As unfortunate as this is, I’m glad I know.”

She searched his eyes, trying to determine the truth.

“Besides, I knew something was wrong and I badgered the information out of you,” he continued. “If there is any blame to be apportioned here, it’s mine. It’s all mine.”

Suddenly he softened and one hand wen to cup her cheek, his thumb gently stroking her cheekbone.

“You’re so beautiful, Alex, inside and out, and I don’t think you have the slightest clue how special you are.”

At the same time her heart was swelling with hope, her head warned her to be cautious. Pretty words were all very nice but she had fallen for them once before, and it had broken her heart.

Tom’s eyes focused on her lips and slowly his head moved closer.

“Alex,” he breathed, a moment before his lips touched hers.

She closed her eyes against the sting of tears and allowed herself to indulge in his affection for a few moments.

Kissing Tom felt like coming home, it was warm and welcoming. But that feeling was a lie, she knew, and before her rational mind was overcome, she pulled away.

“I can't.” was all she could say, her mind felt short circuited by his presence.

“Alex, I love you.”

The words, probably designed to cheer her, actually felt like a knife to her heart.

“Don’t say that,” she whispered.

“Why not? It’s true, Alex, I’ve been in love with you for years, but I thought you weren’t interested. I thought-”

“Stop!”

“I can't stop because it’s the truth. I love you, I have done for years, and I’m not letting you go again.”

Alex’s tears wouldn’t be held in any longer and slipped over her cheeks. “You didn’t let me go, Tom, you threw me away.”

“I was scared, I was stupid, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you.” He moved his head closer, intending to kiss her again, but she reared away.

“Alex, please, you have to believe me, I’m telling you the truth.”

“I can't.”

“Why not?”

“Because you told me you loved me last time, and the next morning you ran. I won’t go through that again, Tom.”

“I said I loved you?” He frowned. “I don’t remember that.”

“Well, you were a bit far gone.” She tried not to sound bitter about it.

“Not that drunk,” he defended himself, “And right now, I’m as sober as a judge. I’m sorry I hurt you, I really am, for all of it, but I still love you and if you’ll give me a chance, I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that to you.”

If only he knew how long she’d yearned to hear those words.

“You’re upset, and you’re clinging to me for comfort. I get it, I’m not judging, but I’m not here to make you feel better, Tom. I’m sorry.”

“This isn’t about guilt or sorrow, this is about me finally being brave enough to admit how I feel about you.”

“And I’m not trying to be difficult, Tom, honestly. The thing is, I’ve been in love with you since that first summer you came to stay here. Even when you aren’t around, you’ve always been in my heart and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to stop loving you and I can't find anyone who I love more than you. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

Tom was looking hopeful and Alex hated that she was about to hurt him but she had to.

“I thought that loving you but not being able to have you was hard enough, but having you and losing you was _so_ much worse. When I say I won’t do it again, I mean that I can't. Losing you and then the baby was almost more than I could stand and I don’t know if I could survive that again. I don’t want to hurt you, but I can't go through that, or anything like that again. I don’t know how I survived and remained sane this time, but I do know I’m not strong enough to do it again. I’m sorry.”

She ran from the room as Tom began crying but it didn’t help, his tear streaked face would stay with her, she knew, haunting her. But what else could she do?

***

Tom paced around for the rest of the day, brooding on how to proceed. He’d approached Alex’s door a few times but hadn’t had the courage to knock; for once in his life, words failed him.

If she really did love him, as she’d said… Hang on, had she outright said it? That whole conversation was a haze of sadness and bliss and recollecting it felt more like a dream.

But she had said she loved him. He was pretty sure… like 90% sure… Maybe 80/20.

And it was doubts like that which kept his prose from forming and stopped him from knocking.

The next morning he went for a run first thing, just so that he could do something productive in the hoped it would jar his brain into action.

Sean was picking up their parents from the airport that evening, so he really needed to find a way to tell her how he felt before then, as their presence would make it so much harder to get Alex alone.

Shakespeare sonnets began to run through his head, although he knew he couldn’t recycle the bards work.

Suddenly his jog slowed to a stop as a Eureka moment hit.

No, he couldn’t just recite pretty poetry and expect her to swoon but much like the bard himself, he could write his feelings down, and that would also give him a chance to polish and perfect

“Of course, if he was wrong and she didn’t love him, then he would not only make a massive fool of himself, but he would have provided irrefutable proof of his foolishness.

But he was more sure than ever that he wanted to be with her, forever, and after everything she’d been through, he deserved to face a little bit of risk.

Back at the house he dashed into the shower, stopped by the kitchen to tell Sean he had a project to finish writing, then holed up in his room with a coffee and his laptop.

When he was finally happy with what he’d written, he began to worry that she would just delete the email without reading it. He supposed he could text it, although it was rather long. And even so, it was no guarantee that she would read it.

A hand written note would surely be paid more attention bit then again, it could easily be burned before being opened. There was only one thing for it, he’d have to use all three.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Alex was lying on her bed, ostensibly reading a book but her eyes kept traversing the same page and when she reached the end, she still had no idea what she had just read.

Her phone beeped and she picked it up and saw an email from Tom. She put the phone down, not wanting to read anything he’d sent. Next came a text chime from him, and she dismissed the notification without reading it.

A minute later there came a knock at her door and as she looked over, she saw an envelope being pushed under it. She knew it had to be Tom because Sean was on his way to pick their parents up. Sean had the nice (family financed) Mercedes after all, while she had flown up here.

She had no great desire to see her folks either, so she had begged off, arguing that they might well need the extra seat for all of Mothers shopping bags. The woman was basically a hoarder, unable to pass a designer shop without adding some inordinately expensive trinket to her collection, so as much of an excuse as it was, Sean believed her.

She cast a glance at the white envelope on her carpet, wondering if she should just read the damn thing or continue to ignore Tom.

Clearly he was determined to say his piece so with a grunt of frustration, she got to her feet and swiped the letter up off the carpet.

She opened the letter to find Tom’s scrawl inside. It was messier than you might expect of him, but still perfectly legible. Or maybe that was because she had read and re-read the few samples she had…

_My Darling Girl,_

_It seems as if we have both been labouring under a cruel misapprehension of each other’s feelings. I cannot speak for you, of course, but I will endeavour to explain my feelings as well as I can._

_I love you._

_I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I fell in love with you, or why, although I suspect it was 1001 small gestures on your part that gradually induced the feeling, but I can vividly remember the moment when I realised that I was in love with you._

_Do you recall your first Christmas in London? We were out with Sean and a few friends before returning to our families for Christmas Day. Everyone was well lubricated and we spent the evening laughing and dancing. Then while you and I were at the bar to get a new round of drinks, the barman pointed out that we were standing under the mistletoe._

_The thought of kissing you was both heaven and hell, because I thought I knew that you saw me only as your brother’s friend. I was afraid that if I kissed you, I wouldn’t be able to stop and I would alienate you. I didn’t want to become Sean’s creepy friend, who you tried to avoid. I can't remember what excuse I gave, but I remember practically running from you, leaving you to get the drinks by yourself._

 

She remembered that night. Tom had become as white as a sheet when the barman pointed out the mistletoe to them, then Tom had murmured something about being sick and pushed his way out through the crowd. When he’d reappeared (she had presumed from the bathroom) he still looked pale and seemed out of sorts.

At the time, she had been appeased that he had simply had too much to drink; it was better to believe that, rather than that he had found the idea of kissing her so repugnant he had fled, but she had always retained a niggling doubt.

She had no idea that he’d run because he was afraid of rejection.

 

_Now I wonder how much heartache I might have saved us both from, if I had just taken my courage in my hands that night and kissed you._

_I was just so shocked by my feelings. I hope you know that I have always cared for you, right from the first summer I met you, but I didn’t fall for you until you moved to London, and I got to spend much time in your company. The more I was around you, the more I wanted to be around you but until that night, I had never confronted the possibility that you might mean more to me than a friend._

_You always seemed friendly but a little reserved around me, and that distance made me hesitate. I tried to watch you closely after that night, looking for any sign that you might feel the same was I did. Whenever I would flirt, you would shut me down and chastise me for teasing you. I told myself that you clearly didn’t feel the same if you thought I was teasing._

_Obviously, I wasn’t the most impartial of observers and I seem to have severely misjudged your motives._

_It was soon after that when I began sending post cards to you and Sean whenever I was away. I had to send one to Sean so that you wouldn’t suspect anything and even while hoping that you wouldn’t read too much into it, I prayed you would see the message on each card for what it was, my greatest wish._

From everywhere he went, he always sent her a postcard, whether he’d gone just outside of London for location shooting, or all the way to LA for a round of auditions. He wasn’t away too often in the beginning, just trips home to see his Mother, occasional scenes shot on location for shows such as Cranford, but the cards became more frequent when he really travelled for work. When he was in the US, she usually got two cards a week.

In his hand written scrawl, every card always said ‘Wish you were here’. There was never a question mark at the end, as was usual, but always with an X (sometimes two or three) after he signed it T or Tom.

Now she wondered, what if it wasn’t just a standard holiday greeting, what if he really had wished she was there. Sean’s cards never said the same as her’s, but always said something about having a drink in Sean’s honour.

She was beginning to feel like an idiot and turned back to the letter to distract herself.

 

_Watching you date was torture, there’s no other word for it. You might have noticed, I have never liked any of your boyfriends, not because they were bad people, but because I was jealous of them. So jealous that at times, I wanted nothing more than to hit them. You always accused me of acting like a big brother, not a jealous lover (or would be lover). I thought that was how you saw me._

 

He really did hate her exes and now she thought about it, it was always the handsy ones, those who liked public displays of affection, that he disliked most. She had assumed it was because he felt protective of her and was guarding her virtue, like some sexist father in the 50s, who thought his daughters were too stupid to make their own decisions.

_On the night we spent together, you finally seemed to respond to my overtures and I became emboldened. I never expected things to go so far so fast but despite how much we had to drink, I remember that night vividly. It’s the best night of my life._

_The next morning, hungover and grumpy, I began to second guess myself._

_I told myself that I was going to be away for the rest of the year, which is hardly ideal when embarking on a new relationship, and that I was worried about damaging my friendship with my oldest friend, Sean. So I ran. I told myself it was for the best, that I was the only one with real feelings and you would be fine. But my reasons, and there were many, were all excuses because honestly, the depth of my feelings for you has always petrified me._

_The truth is, I was terrified of rejection. I couldn’t stand for you to turn to me and try and pretend the night before hadn’t happened or worse, say that it had been a mistake._

_What I hadn’t stopped to consider, was how_ my _rejection would affect_ you _. I am so so sorry, sweetheart, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart._

 

As the writing blurred, Alex wiped the tears away from her eyes.

 

_I hope that I haven’t royally buggered things up for good. More than anything, I want to be with you, Darling Girl. I realise that I may be too late now, that I may well have hurt you too much to be given a second chance, but if you would trust me with your heart again, I swear I will spend every day of the rest of my life proving how much I adore you._

_I’m not saying it will be easy, I travel a lot and your business is based here, but aside from the odd few days, I should be in London for the next five months, and I know we can make things work, if we both want it. I have a ton of ideas for how we can make this work, everything from me only taking UK based productions, to financing shops for you here and in LA (my friends would flock to you for your timeless designs), and with a manager in each store, it would free you up to accompany me sometimes._

_But I digress. Let me just state once more, I will do whatever it takes to be with you. Anything._

_Do you remember that first summer, when Sean had to help your Dad with something and we made ourselves scarce, hanging out in Luca’s, drinking milkshakes and laughing all afternoon? I used to think of that as our first date (conveniently skipping over the memory that you were under age at the time)._

_I’m waiting in Luca’s now, until, closing time, and there’s a chocolate milkshake waiting for you. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me and try again, I would be thrilled if you would join me, and make this our actual first date._

_All my love,_

_Tom, xx_

 

Alex lowered her head to her arm and bawled, wondering if she was brave enough to take the opportunity that Tom was presenting.

***

Tom sat in Luca’s, trying not to check the time on his phone or look at the clock. It felt like he’d been here hours but he knew that after a slow walk, he’d only been sitting here for an hour.

Of course, there was still a chance that Alex wouldn’t read any of his missives and wouldn’t know to meet her here, but she was a curious sort so even if she was upset with him, he was fairly sure she’d read his message, once it became clear that he wasn’t going to drop it.

He had to keep ordering in order to occupy a table for two for so long, and he was now one milkshake down and nursing his second pot of tea.

Downstairs was a chocolatiers and ice cream counter but Luca’s upper floor was where they served food and drinks, and despite appearing rather utilitarian, with Formica tables, the treats on offer were divine. It was the sort of place that welcomed anyone, being popular with the local kids when school let out, to having former Prime Ministers and celebrity visits memorialised in pictures on their wall.

A waitress came and cleared away his empty cup and teapot.

“Was there something wrong with the milkshakes?” she asked, because he hadn’t touched his own or the one bought for Alex.

“No, not at all. I was just waiting for a friend before starting. It’s sort of a ritual-” (at least he hoped it would become one, “but she’s running late. These might be a little warm now, can I get two new.”

“Strawberry and chocolate again?”

“Please.”

“Coming right up. Can I get you anything else?”

He looked to the clock. One hour and five minutes.

“No, thank you. We’ll order when my friend arrives. Sorry for blocking a table before Christmas, but I do tip well.”

“No worries,” The waitress smiled at him. “You’re fine.”

Maybe he should order some cake, just to bump the bill up a bit.

Despite not hearing the tell-tale chime, he took his phone out, just to be sure she hadn’t texted him again.

Was she coming? Did she still hate him? And if she did, what then?

He couldn’t give up, not now, not when they were almost on the same page.

Unless he was wrong about her feelings for him… The longer he sat here, the more he questioned his memory and interpretation of yesterday’s events.

The clock ticked closer to an hour and a half and he ordered more tea. Luca’s was open until 8 tonight but he hadn’t seriously considered having to wait until closing time. How humiliating would that be? They would all know that he had been stood up. Hell, they probably suspected it already.

He left his jacket on the chair while he went to the loo (the tea was running through him) and ordered another pot of tea when he returned.

One hour fifty. Fifty-one. He checked his phone again. Fifty two.

He put his phone back in his jacket to lessen the temptation and when he looked up, she was just on the last few rungs of the spiral staircase.

He’d caught a glimpse of her this morning and she was all smeared mascara, tangled hair and sweats. Not now though. Her hair was shiny and sleek, her makeup was light but flawless and she’d changed into a red turtleneck jumper, paired with black jeans. She looked adorable.

He was already smiling when she spotted him, and he stood up as she approached.

“You look amazing,” he told her.

She smiled. “Well, you said this was a date, I wanted to look nice.”

His smile widened.

“You mean…?”

“Yes, I-”

Before she could continue that thought, he captured her face in his hands and kissed her tenderly.

“You’ve made me the happiest man alive,” he told her. “Best Christmas present I could have asked for.”

She didn’t return his smile and his euphoria popped as quickly as a bubble, leaving him feeling hollow. Something was wrong.

“I have a few questions before we make anything official, Tom.”

He swallowed down his disquiet and gestures for her to take a seat. She smiled as she noticed the milkshake, and began to swirl the straw through the beverage.

“It’s probably too warm now, let me get you another,” he offered,

“Oh, no-”

But he has already raised his hand and captured the waitress’s attention. “Same again please,” he told her. “So,” Tom said, clasping his hands together on front of him so he wouldn’t fidget. “You have questions?”

“I do.” She nodded reluctantly. “The thing is, Tom, I’m just not sure I can do long distance and-”

“I already explained-”

“Please, just let me finish.”

He nodded for her to continue.

“Like I said, the long distance worries me, as does the celebrity lifestyle; I don’t know if I can live with the intrusion so…” she sighed. “I feel like a total bitch but feel like I have to ask, Tom. If it get’s too much for me, and if asked you to, would you quit?”

Tom felt as if he’d been slapped and his mouth felt as dry as parchment. He took a sip of stone cold tea as he tried to consider her question.

Acting meant the world to him, and even the invasion of privacy that came with it was worth it, for him. He could quite see how a partner, who didn’t have the acting career to trade off against the less fun aspects of being famous, might grow to hate such a life.

He imagined their lives together. Rumours and lies in newspapers, fan speculating about them online, some maybe even sending her abusive messages. The photographers following them as they went out for dinner, or while  they took their baby to the park, or as they held hands while walking along a beach…

Suddenly he realised that each of those scenarios was a snapshot of their life together, a life that held more appeal than anything he'd experienced to date. He reached out and took her hand as he realised that the life she represented was worth anything. Literally anything.

“I love acting, you know that but rest assured, if it ever came down to a choice between you and acting, you win. Every time.”

“You’d really give it up?” Her eyes were shining with tears as she spoke.

“If acting lost me the one thing I want the most, it’s not even a choice. I would do anything for you, Darling Girl, anything at all.”

Her tears spilled over and he handed her a handkerchief.

“I’m sorry," she said as she dabbed at her eyes. 

He stroked his thumb over the back of her hand as she tried to collect herself.

“I thought you’d be happy,” he confessed.

“I am!” she wailed. “I just…” her words were choked off by another sob and he pulled her from the chair and held her for a few moments, murmuring soothing endearments in her ear until she calmed down.

When she finally stopped crying, he leaned away and tilted her chin up with the tip of his index finger but he didn’t release her from the circle of his arms.

“Now, what was that all about?” he asked sympathetically.

“I thought you’d say no. I know how much you love it and I thought you’d choose it over me.”

“So you were using it as an excuse not to be with me?” he asked kindly?

“I hadn’t decided,” she admitted. “All I know is that no one has ever put me first before. No one. And you just did. You put me first, and I wasn’t expecting that.”

Her tears threatened to fall again and he cut them off with a kiss. When he finally pulled away, she was slightly breathless.

“Wow,” she breathed.

“My sentiments exactly,” he smiled warmly at her. “Now, let’s sit down and enjoy our first date.”

She nodded and took her seat.

The waitress appeared with their new milkshakes and asked if they would be ordering food. Tom assured her they would, they just needed a few moments first.

“I didn’t mean it, you know,” Alex said once they were alone.

“Didn’t mean what?”

“About quitting acting. I don’t care how bad I find things, I would never ask that of you, it means too much to you.”

“You mean more,” he assured her.

“I believe you, I just didn’t expect it.” She flashed him her bright smile as she ran her fingers under her eyes before more tears could fall, and he relaxed.

“I can't promise what our future will hold, Alex, and I know it won’t all be hearts and flowers, or hugs and puppies, but I can promise that whatever happens, you will always be my number one priority.”

“And you mine,” she said, this time she reached over and took his hand. “I love you, Thomas.”

“And I love you, Darling Girl.”

They shared a smile and sipped on their milkshakes.

“Are you hungry?” Tom asked.

“Ravenous!” she assured him.

They stayed for dinner and shared a decadent desert, and another milkshake each, until Alex cried uncle and patted her stomach.

“Jesus, how did we eat so much sugar when we were kids?” she asked.

“I still like this much sugar,” Tom bantered back.

“Yeah, but you’re just a kid in an adult’s body,” she teased.

Tom signalled for the bill and when it came, he insisted on paying.

“This is our first date, I have to pay, its tradition.”

“Fine,” she conceded. “But the next one is on me.”

“Darling Girl, it’s my job to woo you and treat you like a princess, and that includes paying for dinner.”

Alex laughed. “I don’t actually need any wooing and I out grew my princess phase when I was 7. I don’t need coddling, false flatteries or a free ride. I just need your love and respect.”

Tom shook his head sadly. “You’re ruining everything Disney taught me about romance.”

Alex laughed. “Well I hate to break it to you, but I don’t have a chorus of small animals to help me with household chores either.”

Tom’s eyes bulged. “You don’t!”

“Nope. Nor do I have a fairy godmother and I hate glass slippers.”

“Blasphemy!” He pointed his finger at her. “You cannot not like glass slippers!”

Alex shook her head. “Honestly, Tom, they look like stripper shoes.”

He frowned. “Actually, you may have a point there.”

They shared a laugh as they stood up.

“Come on, Darling Girl, let me walk you home.” He helped her into her coat and they headed downstairs.

Her smile faded as they linked arms and Tom knew what she were thinking.

“Hey,” he reached over and patted her hand where it lay on his elbow. “It’ll be fine.”

“For you, maybe,” she said, shaking her head. “My folks adore you but they’ll think you’re making a mistake, settling for someone so far below you. Sean too, probably.”

“They they’re as blind as I always thought.”

Alex sighed.

“Okay, how about we don’t go back then.”

“Where would we go?” she asked.

“We could go home.” He sounded eager.

"Back to London?"

"Why not?"

“But it’s Christmas.”

“True, and Christmas should be spent with those who love you.

“My parents do love me,” she insisted. “They just love themselves more.”

“Fine, then we’ll book into a hotel. We can spend a couple of hours with them on Christmas day and the rest of the time will be on our own.”

She cocked her head to the side as she considered that.

“Come on,” he cajoled. “It’s a great plan.”

“It is.” She began to nod slowly. “Okay, we’ll see how they behave and if they seem anything but blissfully happy for us, then we’ll go to a hotel and just spend Christmas day with them.”

Tom stopped walking and turned to face her.

“What?” she asked after a few moments, and he realised that he had been staring.

“Just trying to memorise your beautiful face,” he said.

“You’ve known me for fifteen years, Tom.”

“True, but until today, I didn’t have staring rights.”

Alex smiled. “Oh god, are you going to go all creepy on me now? Watching me while I sleep and staring at me while I’m in the shower?”

Tom groaned and lowered his head.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Alex sounded worried.

“You gave me a mental image of you naked and wet,” he teased. “I’m going to need a minute here.”

Alex stepped closer and stretched up on her toes. “I’ve got a cure for that,” she whispered.

“Have you?” he purred.

“I have.”

“Are you going to put me out of my misery?”

She stretched up and kissed him, pushing her hands under his coat and as she deepened the kiss, running them over his back and bum.

They were both breathing heavily by the time they separated.

“Hate to break it to you, love, but that didn’t help. In fact, I think you made my predicament much, much worse.”

“Did I?” she asked rather coquettishly.

“You know you did.”

“Good, because I have an idea.” As she spoke, she slid one hand around to his groin and cupped his length through his jeans.

“Oh, Darling Girl, you have to stop,” he said, closing his eyes.

“I don’t want to go home,” she whispered seductively. “I think we should find a hotel for tonight, just you and me, where we can forget out troubles until tomorrow, and you can make me scream without having to worry about anyone hearing us.”

“You, uh, present a very good- good nargument, darling, but-” he hissed as she squeezed harder.

“Uh uh, no buts, Tom. Tonight is just for you and me. We deserve this.”

“Your family will worry.”

“I’ll text them. Besides, if we text them now, they’ll have calmed down by tomorrow.”

“You are a devil woman,” he gasped.

Alex gave a breathy sigh. “I thought I was your Darling Girl?”

“You’ll always be that but right now, I want to treat you in a very unladylike manner.”

Alex gently nipped at his lip. “Do your worst, lover boy, we can be gentle some other time.”

Tom gave a sigh of defeat and opened his eyes. Her pupils were wide with desire and her usually innocent face was a picture of temptation.

“You win,” he said. “I’ll follow you wherever you want, as long as you promise to fuck me within thirty minutes or less.”

“Deal!”

She surprised him them by turning and running away. He smiled, both amused and confused by her actions, until she raised her hand to try and hail a passing cab.

Tom discreetly adjusted his jeans so he would walk comfortably and by the time he caught up with her, a cab was pulling over and he climbed in after her.

“Bruntsfield Hotel,” she told the driver.

“It’s just down the road,” the driver said.

“We’re in a hurry,” Alex replied and when the driver caught Tom’s eye in the mirror, he just grinned.

The driver shook his head, seemingly amused, and drove them she short way to the hotel. Alex composed a short text message to her brother, then demanded Tom hand his phone over, which she turned off, along with her own.

“No interruptions,” she explained, and he wasn’t about to argue.

They tried to keep a straight face while booking in but the moment they got into the lift, they burst out in nervous laughter, sure that the receptionist must have known they were checking in for sex, given that they had no luggage with them.

They ran along the corridor to their room and stumbled in and once the door was closed, Tom took Alex’s face in his hands.

“I want to make love to you,” he told her, his voice deep with desire.

“No you don’t,” she answered. “You want to tear my clothes off and fuck me hard until I scream your name.”

“That too.” He agreed with a smile.

“Then I want to ride you until you scream.”

“We can do that.”

“And after we’ve recovered, then we can make sweet love, all night long, if you want.”

“I like the way you think,” he told her. “Now strip, all your clothes off, now!”

She pouted. “I thought you would undress me.”

He growled. “I would love to, Darling Girl, but I won’t have the patience to remove them without tearing. Doing the walk of shame tomorrow is bad enough, let alone with torn clothes.”

“Damn you for being so fucking logical! Fine, no touching until we’re both naked, but I get to watch you undress first.”

She slipped from his embrace and lay across the bed, propping her head up on her hand.

Tom felt as nervous as a virgin and exceptionally vulnerable, but given how betrayed Alex had to have felt tha last time, he didn’t mind going first. She watched him intently as he disrobed, feeling awkwardly and exposed.

“I should have watched Magic Mike,” he said, just to ease some of the tension.

“Oh, Thomas, they’ve got nothing on you,” she said, and judging from the desire in her eyes as she stared at his chest, and the gravel in her voice, she meant every word.

“I’m not built,” he argued. He especially wasn’t at the moment, having needed to slim down to play drug addict and alcoholic, Hank Williams.

Her gaze travelled up to his eyes and he saw compassion in her expression.

“Tom, you don’t need to be built a meathead to be desirable. You are, hands down, the sexiest man I’ve ever seen, in real life or in the movies. You’re perfect.”

Tom shimmied out of his jeans and when he turned to place them over a chair, he wiggled his blue briefs clad butt a little, looking over his shoulder to see her reaction. She was giggling.

“Tom, stop it!”

He flexed his buttocks, one at a time then began miming some of the moves from _I'm Sexy And I Know It_ as he backed up towards her.

As he got close to the bed, she crawled to the edge and ran her hands over his butt cheeks.

“So this is what they mean when they say ‘buns of steel’. Hmm, I quite like it.” Slipping her fingers into his waistband, she peeled the briefs from his hips, unable to resist the urge to nibble on the closest cheek.

Tom get out a guttural moan.

“Ooh, he likes it rough,” Alex teased.

“Not too rough, he doesn’t like pain, but he does like playful bites.”

“I’ll remember that, Darling. Tomorrow you can explain to my folks where all your hickeys some from.”

She was sitting on the end of the bed now, still rubbing her hands over the globes of his arse.

“Well if you’re leaving marks, only seems fair I should get to leave some too.”

“Where did you have in mind?” she asked, one arm reaching round his legs to grasp his shaft, while the other dragged his pants down until he could step out of them.

“Fuck, that feels good,” he hissed as she began to pump him.

“Tell me where you want to mark me?” she demanded, continuing her sensual massage but now standing up so that she could rub his back too.

“Let’s start with the breasts. They should be covered in so many love bites that people will think you’ve been ravaged for days. Then a trail over your chest and stomach, all the way to your sexy little mound, which should be outlined with them.”

“Run way markings, showing you the way for next time,” she teased. “I like it. Where else?”

“Those beautiful thighs of yours, from your knees to glistening cunt then finally, every inch of your lips will be covered with my marks, made from my nibbling, sucking, pinching and biting your most intimate area.”

“Mmm,” she muttered softly. “Sounds wonderful.”

“I’m not done yet,” he assured her with a chuckle. “Last but not least, I intend to cover your pretty little neck with love bites, so everyone can see them and know that you are mine.”

She gasped at the idea and Tom decided that thanks to the erotic noises she was making, he couldn’t wait much longer. He turned around, grabbed her shoulders and turned them half a circle, leaving him by the bed and her in front of him.

He sat down. “My turn to watch,” he informed her.

She pouted but luckily for him, she obeyed. Once down to her panties and bra, she began to twerk him, badly, and she turned, so he could see her sticking her tongue at him, like Miley Cyrus.

See, this was one of the reason’s he loved her, humour.

Given their history, she had taken what could have been an uncomfortable coupling and she was having fun with it, looking like a dork just so that he would laugh.

She rather inelegantly walked her twerking butt closet, until he could reach out and cup her bum cheeks. She stopped twerking and allowed him to fondle her for a few moments.

“Gorgeous,” he whispered, then he peeled her French nickers, down over her hips. They were so soft and satiny that they floated to the floor under their own steam. From the corner of his eye, he could see that her last remaining item, her bra, was floating to the floor

He pressed a series of soft and reverent kisses onto each cheek, while teasing her thighs with his hands, bringing their feather light caressed close to her sex, but never actually touching it.

“Oh, Tom,” she whimpered.

Perhaps she thought they would be making love, rather than mad, passionate sex. He quickly disabused that idea by grabbing her tightly around the hips and throwing her onto the bed beside him, careful not to let her slip off.

Within seconds he was on top of her, kissing her.

“Fuck me, Tom!”

He didn’t, not right away.

“Now!” she pleased. “I need to feel you inside me, I need you to fill me. Please.”

How could he, who considered himself a gentleman, not comply with a woman’s wishes. Taking his shaft in one hand, he rubbed it over her slit until he found the right spot, then he surged forward, making Alex squeak with pleasure.

“Oh God, Tom, I need this.”

“I need you,” He replied. “I want every part of you, mind, body and soul. I want to know your secrets, to know your every embarrassing story, and your every success.”

He could feel the cool tears on her skin and he debated how much more he should say when she was I tears.

“I want you to be mine,” he whispered. “I want you to belong to me, just as I want me to belong to you.”

His words alone must have been enough for her and she came, ripples of pleasure surging through her body in waves. As her sheath clenched his dick, his own orgasm erupted.

They lay there for a while, both panting pretty heavily.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, when he had regained enough strength to roll off her.

“Sorry for what?” she sounded genuinely perplexed as she slipped one leg over his and her head rested on her hand.

“That. That lasted no more than two minutes tops. You deserve better.”

Alex laughed and rumpled his hair.

“I know a lot of men buy into this myth, that longevity in an erection is equal to how manly you are but honestly, duration doesn’t matter to most women. We just want good sex and oh boy, was that _goooo-d_ sex!”

Tom laughed.

“Besides, if anyone ever does questions your masculinity, just get little Tom out and, game over. Okay?”

He shook his head in mock disgust at her statements. “Whatever you say, darling.”

Alex laughed and threw a pillow at his head.

“Besides, that was only round one. I’m sure by round ten you’ll have the endurance of a wild animal.”

“Round ten?” he asked.

“Yep.”

“This woman is going to kill me,” he muttered.

“Nah, not my style, buddy but if I’m wrong and you don’t survive the night, at least you’ll die happy.”

Tom roared with laughter, clutching Alex against him and holding her there while they teased and cajoled each other.

It turned out that Tom cock was only able to perform another two times that night, so they settled into bed and turned the rooms TV on, searching for a movie to tide them over until it was time to sleep. He promised that in the morning, he would ravish her at least one more time before they had to leave, and reality inserted itself into this burgeoning relationship.

As the movie played, he looked down to where Alex was curled into him, and was surprised to find that she had fallen asleep during such a loud and action packed film.

He pressed his lips to the crown of her head.

“Sleep tight, darling girl. I’ll still be here when you wake up. I promise.”

 


End file.
